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Saturday, December 24, 2011

A Bumpy Festive Start

Merry Christmas Eve everyone! Now, I don't know about you, but I felt a sudden decrease in holiday cheer today. I haven't a clue why this happened, but nevertheless, it did. Yesterday, on the jolly day of Festivus, I was in an ultimate yuletide spirit as I exchanged gifts with most of my friends and what not. Today, it all started with a delicious breakfast with my dad, and the unveiling of my huge present: a MacBook Pro. I can feel your shock and envy through the sleek screen as I write this post, on the very Apple laptop in question. Typing on it is such a pleasure, it's almost arousing. Anyway, back to my sudden holiday-spirit decline. I really don't know why I feel so dull after having had such a pleasant beginning yesterday and all. And the worst part (or best part) is that I don't want to feel so glum this time of year! I've been anticipating this moment for months, and now I shrug with indifference? Oh, no, sir, I shall not let an unknown ghost dampen my joy. To lift my spirits, I decided to watch The Santa Clause 3, yet again, with my mom and some of Santa's cookies and milk. Rather naughty of me, isn't it?

The third installment of The Santa Clause trilogy is probably my preferred one of them all. Perhaps because it is the most cheesiest, and therefore the most amusing to mock? Perhaps. Or maybe it is because this one was nominated for several Razzies, and you know I have a knick to pick with them. (It is "knick", right?)

This one begins with a very pregnant Mrs. Claus who is feeling homesick. Apparently, hundreds of little elves and a stocky, jolly husband aren't enough to satisfy this gal. So, in order to please his wife and get on with his demanding job, he ships her parents over to the North Pole. Of course, because of the Secret of Santa (SOS), everyone disguises the North Pole as Canada. Ay? (Canadians say that evidently.) Santa's in-laws are played by Ann-Margaret and Alan Arkin, who, in my opinion, should have been the ones nominated for Razzies, if the movie absolutely had to have been nominated. Especially Alan Arkin, as he assumes the role of "tough father-in-law who is a pain in the ass to everyone", and he certainly applies himself to the role. Maybe a little too much, that it becomes annoying? Maybe. Ann-Margaret is just as bad, as she acts as if she's drunk throughout the whole movie. (Then again, she acts like that in most of her performances.) Even Mrs. Claus, played by Elizabeth Mitchell, could have garnered a Razzie nod, rather than the two actors who did get a nod. Those two were Tim Allen (Santa Claus) and Martin Short (Jack Frost).


While I will consent to Tim Allen's nomination (reluctantly, mind you), Martin Short most definitely did not deserve that nomination. At all. In fact, he was the best part of this lousy Christmas fiasco. (It's not much of a fiasco. I just thought the word would fit well with that sentence.) What may have seemed like an inadequate performance was actually a more-than-decent one surrounded by a terrible script and terrible costars. While Jack Frost sizzled, acting-wise, providing a top-notch performance on Martin Short's part, his fellow actors were exceedingly corny, so much that they made Frost blend in with them. Thus giving off the appearance that Martin Short was just as bad an actor. Which brings me to complain that only the two leading men were nominated, while Alan Arkin and Judge Reinhold were not. Playing Santa's ex-wife's new husband, Judge Reinhold (aka the close-talker in Seinfeld) goes overboard with the whole goofy-guy-who-wears-ridiculous-sweaters-and-exploits-the-art-of-yoga bit. Plus he just looks strange with his oversized ears. You would think he'd be some sort of Papa Elf. Oh, I kid.

Sigh. Just look at them.
As for the plot of the movie, Santa becomes overwhelmed with the pressure of being Santa and his in-laws being a pain in his ass. Plus, Jack Frost maliciously (deliciously) schemes (beams) against him (as a test for him). Then, with all that stress building up and the ruin of his Christmas tree topper, Santa declares that he wished he had never been Santa Claus at all...which Jack uses to switch lives with him. I hope you all are intelligent enough to make sense out of that because I just do not have the strength to explain it all. If I seem tired and distressed, I'm simply tired and anxious to start Christmas in hopes of my holiday spirit being rejuvenated. Moving on.


The Santa Clause 3 is your typical, cheesy Christmas movie, and you know you have at least one bad movie you watch every year around this time. Whether it be Deck the Halls or Fred Claus, you watch it, and, let's face it, you enjoy it. As I enjoy this predictable batter of a Christmas movie. (Batter?) One last note, and this is for the Razzies: fuck you. That's not all. Nominating Christmas movies, and even kid movies in general, for Worst whatever is just pathetic. You can't find another movie, in the entire year, to nominate that wasn't released for the joy of young children who don't understand the idea of cliche and corny? Really? That being said, for a New Year's resolution, you should all grow up and start nominating truly awful movies that kids would never watch. Here, I'll even give you an idea: Zookeeper. Happy Holidays, once again! Have a very Merry Christmas!

1 comment:

  1. I don't think I've even seen the Santa Clause 2! At least I don't remember it. Great write up though :)

    And I understand completely your feeling for your Macbook - I have one too, that I rent from uni (but I get to buy it out really cheap when my course is finished!)
    Merry Christmas!

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