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Friday, April 6, 2012

A Sour Record

The day of fooling comes around every year on the first of April, which also now marks the date of the infamous anti-Oscar ceremony known as the Golden Raspberry Awards. I don't need to dive into an erratic description of its origin, nor do I have to moan about how unjust some of their decisions are. (I thought it would be valuable to point out that I used the words "erratic" and "moan" in that sentence. Erratic is synonymous with insane, not sexual.) Anyway, ignore my awkwardness, and allow me to announce the unfortunate targets of this year's Razzie ceremony. In addition to the actual "winners", I will share whom I thought deserved it more. Now, this event was unlike no other in its history. Note the title of the post. Yes, unless you don't know the winners, a record has been made: a single movie dominated all categories. And that movie, ladies and gentlemen, was none other than Adam Sandler's enormous dud, and quite possibly the worst movie ever, Jack and Jill.

And the Worst Picture goes to... Jack and Jill!

Most deserving Worst Picture in years.
And it damn well should have gone to this piece of garbage. Must I even explain why? I'm sure you've all seen it by now, having heard all the buzz about it. Plus, who doesn't want to see an Adam Sandler flick? After this movie, undoubtedly, no one will want to see any of his movies. Actually, people will crowd the theaters to see his future work, but only to see if it's worse than Jack and Jill, if that is even fathomable. But if anyone can make a movie more awful than this, it's the mastermind behind the worst movie ever.

And the Worst Actor goes to... Adam Sandler for Jack and Jill and Just Go With It!

He's just been told he set some kind of record.

But it should have been given to... Russell Brand for Arthur

There's nothing to say.
As a male actor, Adam Sandler is perfectly adequate. Although he definitely is not the greatest, he is definitely not worth a Razzie for Worst Actor. Russell Brand, on the other hand, is an atrocious actor, rather he is an enlarged British brat who tends to think he's awesome. In Arthur, a terrible movie in its self, Russell Brand portrays an immature Playboy whom everyone thinks is a total buffoon. The audience is meant to feel sympathy towards him, but we simply do not. He is a total buffoon, and I am quite certain he behaves that way in reality. Why Helen Mirren agreed to be a part of this rubbish, I'll never understand.

And the Worst Actress goes to... Adam Sandler for Jack and Jill!

She's such a terrible actress, isn't she?
This, I entirely agree with. What exactly was the matter with Adam Sandler when he was drafting this movie? "Hey, I can play my character's sister too. And make her an annoying sister. I just blew my mind." I don't know, but this choice ruined his career, I think. Once again, I don't need to elaborate on the sheer revulsion Jill Sadelstein brings about in all of us. I include the multitude in my statement because I am sure that no one enjoyed his performance as Jill. Correct me if I am wrong, please do. While I do agree with this victory, I am slightly leaning toward Kristen Stewart also because she truly is a bad actress who needs to leave. Really, she should go away.

And the Worst Supporting Actor goes to... Al Pacino for Jack and Jill!

Call his agent. He's the best.

But it should have been given to... Ken Jeong for Zookeeper, The Hangover Part II, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and Big Momma's: Like Father, Like Son
So much disgust in one person.
In all honesty, Al Pacino was really not bad at all in an entirely horrible picture. I say this objectively speaking, of course, for I would never try to flatter Jack and Jill in any way. The reason Al Pacino was honored was simply because he is Al Pacino. Who would want to see an Asian actor, who really is a bad actor, win the award? There is a whole lot more shock value if an Oscar-winning legend gets the award. But, really, who cares if Al Pacino gets it, at this point? He's not who he used to be, sadly. Ken Jeong, on the other hand, deserved this award because, well, he's terrible. The fact that he was nominated for four movies should reveal his worthiness, should it not?

And the Worst Supporting Actress goes to... David Spade for Jack and Jill!

Only picture I could gather, thankfully.

But it should have gone to... Nicole Kidman for Just Go With It
She really wants the award.
Another transvestite achievement for the movie. I don't recall David Spade playing a woman in the movie, truthfully, but apparently he did and it was horrendous. I do not concur. No, one man-who-played-a-woman win is enough. The moment Nicole Kidman invaded Just Go With It, my eyes were involuntarily shutting to the horror of her awful performance. Yes, she was definitely by-far the worst of the year when it comes to supporting roles. It makes me gag just mentioning it, especially considering I recently watched it, last night to be precise. Plus, her lips are an architectural eye-sore. Let they be a lesson to those wishing to alter their appearance. Yikes.

And the Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel goes to... Jack and Jill!

Speechless.
But it should have gone to... The Hangover Part II
Such a major letdown.
Jack and Jill supposedly ripped off or was a remake of Ed Wood's Glen or Glenda. (The Razzies just wanted to nominate it in every category.) The genuine winner should have been The Hangover Part II solely to emphasize what a disappointment it was. After such a comedic tour de force, its sequel was an utter disgrace. Stretching the jokes to a point where it became unfunny, a sweaty and uncomfortable setting to behold, and putting Zach Galifianakis in the spotlight were the catalysts of this bad movie. That's right, it was truly terrible. What was funny in the first, Todd Phillips exaggerated in the second, henceforth causing it to become cringe-worthy and just plain sad. And I hear a third one is in the works? Again, yikes.

They must be watching Jack and Jill.
Sarcasm is wonderful.
The remaining categories all honored Jack and Jill, as I've stated in the beginning, and its only competition were identical for the most part. They included The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, New Year's Eve, and Transformers: Dark of the Moon. While the Razzies are absolutely nothing to be proud of, it is quite impressive that a single movie swept all the awards. Again, it's nothing close to an esteemed accomplishment, but nevertheless, it's something. Then again, not really.

2 comments:

  1. I take it you didn't like Jack and Jill?

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    Replies
    1. Read Jack and Jill Went Up A Hill...

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