Monday, April 2, 2012

All That Jazz

I'll bet my two cents you're wondering what lies behind this title. No mystery or obscured reason, really. I couldn't think of an appropriate title that will reflect the content of this post. At the moment, I am listening to Top Hits of the 1930s, a truly wonderful album that includes the soundtrack to a marvelous decade. Honestly, I cannot listen to what these kids listen to these days. The music of the 1930s are so whimsically catchy, in a way that does not burn your brain throughout the day. Plus, the tunes remind me of Disney's Hollywood Studios. In Walt Disney World. Are you enjoying my explanation?

Anyway, what constitutes this post is a brief description of my life. I know you could simply skim over the tab above (A Little Something About Me) to get the main picture of who exactly I am. But you won't find the saucy details there that you'll read here. Actually, they're more like neat tidbits about my life. Not about me, about my life and its daily events. I'll go into an even bigger picture with my past. I don't know about you, but I do not want to miss this. (I'm pathetic.)

The most I can recall is up to just about five years ago. Amnesia is not the cause of this, simply forgetfulness. There are specific moments in my past that I recall vividly, such as when my mother and I went to Path-Mark during a gun-robbery. This was not a robbery of guns, but a robbery where the thugs were wearing latex masks and wielding guns. There was one guy standing with his legs apart on top of two adjacent cash registers, waving a gun back and forth and tilting his head. People were laying on the ground with their heads down, as per protocol. All I remember is rushing to the milk section, getting some milk, and driving home. How we got out of there, I'll never know. Whenever I mention it to my mother, she merely shudders and shakes her head. Did someone die, I wonder? Oh well. It was quite a stir, enough to remember to this very day.

Another more pleasant memory I recall occurred with my dad. For some reason, this was one of my happiest memories, and I was awfully ill at the time. I even remember the date, the third of May of 2009. I remember the entire day clearly. We woke up very early, I had already started feeling sickly, and we went to the new Super Wal-Mart to see what the hubbub was about. After browsing the delectable grocery section and picking up some yummy desserts, we went home, and by then I felt quite horrible. To comfort me, my dad made me some tea and lent me his sweater, which to this day I still cherish and wear in the winter. Allow me to describe how exactly we made our tea back then, much different from how we do it today mind you. In a large, beer mug, we poured hot water into a tea bag with a scoop of honey, then added milk. Sound generic, right? Well, compared to how we drink it now, it was rather unhealthy. (Now, we do not add milk, and we use green tea leaves.) With the giant mug of tea and two delicious store-bought cheesecakes (one New York-style, another French-style), we watched the original Around the World in Eighty Days, starring a very young Shirley MacLaine. I didn't particularly care for it, not as much as the new Disney installment with Steve Coogan. It was just too bloody long. After that, I believe we watched the original Alfie with Michael Caine. Again, not as good as the new installment. The entire day was just so lovely, and to this day, I don't know why this particular day with my dad shined as so great. Of course, there are plenty more wonderful days we had, but I think I should move on and mention a great day with me mum.

Serene beach at the Polynesian Resort
It wasn't so much as a single remarkable day, but an entire week in the most magical place on Earth, particularly our most recent trip this past August. As always, Walt Disney World is absolutely magnificent in every possible way. Not even the sweaty throngs of people could fluster me, as I am centered in my own bulb of bliss. (I bet you though that said "sweaty thongs", didn't you?) This specific adventure, however, was intended to be just my mother and I. Unfortunately, she surprised me by adding her husband and son along. I'm sorry, they surprised her.... Anyway, that could not and would not faze me, for my mother and I were by ourselves, alone, practically the entire time. We dined in exquisite restaurants, such as the Hollywood Brown Derby. (I had the Duck Two-Ways with a Dorma Nesmond martini, followed by an elaborate Banana-Toffee Tower. Delicious.) We took siestas during the day, to relax from the heat of the parks, along the white beaches right outside our room. (I say white to emphasize how clean and soothing it was. And by that, I am not implying that "black" is not clean or soothing. See what our society has come to?) The whole vacation was an extraordinary state of bliss. One noteworthy event, that was not exactly lovely, was when my mother vomited at a restaurant after being poisoned by Long Island Iced Teas. Who poisoned her, you may ask? My assumption is her very own husband. Yes, and I am not shy to admit how I feel. He treats her terribly enough as it is, so the hypothesis wouldn't be far from being false. Regardless of that minor mishap (if anything it was amusing), this trip to Disney World was one of the greatest on record. This August is likely to be even better, as we will be going alone this time. (Then again...)

Mickey Mouse waffles
One of the gems of Disney World
By the previous two posts, you might have inferred that I have a tendency to eat large amounts of food. Consequently, I would have to be rather large in size, as well. As of this moment, this is not the case, but there was a period in my life when I was, shall we say, noticeably overweight. During this phase in my life, from what I can remember, I was not necessarily unhappy with myself. Then one day in the third grade, I believe it was, I was the center of harsh torment. At the time, I had a little crush on this one guy (I don't even remember his name...okay, yes I do) and on that day in the cafeteria, I was shyly attempting to talk to him. Then, as I was trying to offer to throw away his food, he told me to leave him alone because no one liked me and I was just a fat loser. I may be paraphrasing, but that's the overall account of the event. Note that this happened rather audibly in front of my entire third grade class. The fact that I was the new kid did not help ease the sting of this attack. Yes, it was a traumatic verbal attack that eventually inspired me to change myself. By eventually, I mean four years later, after I saw my sixth grade yearbook picture and realized I look like my grandmother. With that burst of motivation, I jumped on the treadmill and gradually worked my way to losing weight. In the interval between seventh and eighth grade, I lost about thirty pounds in one summer. Then during the school year, I continued exercising and lost another twenty pounds. Unfortunately, anorexia played a part in my dramatic transformation, but not enough to make it a habit. Once in a while, I will eat less than a thousand calories in a day because everyone has those bloated days. To this day, I exercise diligently most days of the week and eat relatively healthy. There are those days when I'm with my dad where we eat some homemade treats we made ourselves, but I find that when I eat guilt-free and joyfully, I don't feel nasty or depressed. A tip for the ladies out there.

There you have it, just a slice of my life and what I do besides writing these damn posts. It's rather nice to write about myself sometimes, don't you agree? Aren't they simply delightful? (Awkward expectations.) I hope you enjoyed it, sincerely I do. The following are a few meaningless facts about me in general for you to ignore or obsess over.

-My hair is naturally straight--apparently this is a desirable rarity--and I never style it. Ever.
-You wouldn't know it from reading my average posts, but I am incredibly susceptible to stress. I wish I could give a reason as to why; I simply cannot explain it.
-I haven't kissed anyone in eight months, which is like not having sex for a year and a half I imagine.
-I have five friends that I share almost everything with, and whose opinion I value highly. Who needs sixty people in their address book anyway?
-I have never eaten at Subway, though I hear they have a variety of healthy choices.
-I am strangely attached to my old PC from time to time, primarily for the purpose of playing the Sims 3. In case you are not aware, that is a game where you can create a person and live their life. Some people go to the extreme and actually believe that they are the person they're controlling. Not the case for me, however.
-I find the bodily sounds of people around me very aggravating, such as repetitive sneezing, unstoppable coughing, sniffling, and snoring. In some cases, I cannot stand the sound of a person's voice.
-I have traveled abroad to Ukraine to visit my grandparents once. My dad and I went there so I could see my grandfather before he passed, for he had cancer. Sadly, when we got there, he had already passed away the day before. While there was a very melancholy ambiance, my grandmother, uncle, aunt, and cousin were all enormously pleased to see me for the first time. Overall, it was a great trip, better than expected.
-I am an avid admirer of the Pretty Little Liars series, both the books and the show.
-I am known for talking to myself in private. Didn't you expect that, though?
-Seinfeld is my absolute most-preferred show.
-One last thing: I really like one of my best friends, who is a guy of course, yet I fear our friendship will be ruined if we pursue it. I think he likes me too, though he has the same fear. For a better picture, he and I are exactly like Jerry and Elaine.

This was all an April Fools' Joke. Just kidding, that previous sentence was.


  1. This post encapsulates just why you are so much more interesting than the vast majority of movie bloggers.
    Instead of posting endless, mind-numbing and formulaic film reviews, you treat us to gems like this.
    Don't ever be tempted to compromise your originality to fit in with the mass of mediocrity that pollutes the "blogosphere".

    1. Thank you so much. That was one of the most gratifying comments anyone has ever given me. I'm so glad you're enjoying reading this self-absorbed blog of mine.