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Monday, December 31, 2012

The Year That Was...2012

Another year gone by, and I am, again, stunned at how outrageously fast it passed. Where has the time gone? I won't get into that rant of nostalgia as I did last year. No, that is a waste of repetitive rubbish. Yes, we are looking into the bright future of 2013, ladies and gents. As for the year that will, in just a few short minutes, reach its end, let's recap. (Is that short for recapitulate? Obviously.) Personally nothing really astounding happened to me. No major landmarks of any sort--simply an intermittent state of serenity. Nevertheless, I shall muster some events that have affected me, as well as a few events that have shaken society. They will be in chronological order, of course. Not.

1. Survived the apocalypse. Sigh. Well, yes, we did it. What a triumph this was. Rather than being annihilated in an alien invasion or turning to ash in some sort of earth explosion, we remained. Life prolongs in its embarrassing cultural decline and people are even now devising inane expiration dates. Having an opinion, albeit an absurd one, is all in the eye of the beholder, but, please, keep it to yourselves. Can we at least try to move forward, away from this mind-numbing poppycock?

2. Twilight (finally) ends. At last, culture can breath a sigh of relief, for it has experienced a revitalizing cleanse. The Twilight saga has finally ended, saving thousands from the unavoidable exposure of that dreadful phenomenon. I find it absolutely unforgivable that people have allowed this travesty of a love--between a brooding vampire and his socially-disturbed girl--to last for four years. The second part of Breaking Dawn (to think they actually had to stretch out this virus for an additional two-hour-plus chapter) was released last November. The box-office receipts--over $400 million--have been collected, and the ridiculous "Twihard" fever can simmer down. Here's hoping that the enormous earnings will not convince them to make a prequel saga or a continuing one. Seriously. Stop.

3. The infamous blackout and escape to Lancaster. One morning in July, I awaken to a flurry of frenzied knocks at the door. My phone has no service, the lights are all out and my mother is waiting for me to join her on a hasty excursion to Amish country. I believe I made a short reference to this inadvertent vacation. Basically, it was surprisingly pleasant, and proved to be an unexpected delay in my academic responsibilities. I had my MacBook full of Desperate Housewives episodes and a Chinese buffet right next door. While there were more than a few moments of stress, I enjoyed myself.  I am mentioning it as a significant event in my year, aren't I? My mother will be so pleased. (The Great Escape: I did write about this unexpected excursion.)

4. Seth MacFarlane. It's incredible to think that just a few months ago, my adoration for Seth MacFarlane began. From the way I gush about him, one would assume that these feelings have been present since Family Guy first started way back in 1999. (Has it been that long?) Regardless of how long I've admired him, all that matters is that I indubitably do love him. True, "love" is an intense emotion to describe how I feel, but it is merely an affectionate exaggeration. It has been such a fantastic year for Seth MacFarlane, and I couldn't be happier for him. He made history at the box office with Ted--the greatest piece of hilarity this year, the one that didn't receive a Golden Globe nod--by becoming the highest-grossing R-rated comedy of all time, beating the previous (undeserving) Hangover Part II. Then, he is asked to host the Academy Awards in February, allowing people (me especially) to anticipate the ceremony with additional fervor. Isn't he simply wonderful? I sure think so. Know so. And there seems to be talk of a sequel to Ted? According to Mark Wahlberg, it's going to be "sick" and hilarious. I wouldn't argue with him, if I were you.

5. Surge of inane "talent". It has come to my attention that there is a larger tally of celebrities I dislike. As much as I find the term "celebrity" distasteful, it applies to this band of annoying miscreants since I don't really care for them. Don't really care. I cannot stand them, is more like it. There are several actors that I find utterly insufferable, and I'll take the time to list a few of them, and just why I don't like them. Louis C.K. is first on the list: He is arrogant, the opposite of what is considered funny, unappealing in every possible way, and undeservingly everywhere. His jokes are so blatantly recycled and familiarly stale, it is an insult to comedy that he is well-liked. And being nominated for a Golden Globe? Absurd. Next is Channing Tatum: He is a Caucasian moron who is literally a reincarnation of a black man. How is it that romantic films starring adorable leading ladies like Amanda Seyfried and Rachel McAdams ask for him to be the supposedly perfect lead? And Sexiest Man Alive? This title insults me as a woman, albeit a young one. And, what comes to mind, Argo: Though not a person, it is an overall irritating picture. While I have not seen this much-talked-about movie, I have my subjective scornful doubts for this pseudo-intellectual film. Ben Affleck is the director and chairman of this Iranian-hostage film, which immediately applies a not-to-be-taken-seriously tone to it, as well as an uninteresting one. Plus, Ben Affleck's facial hair and pompous attitude. There were plenty more annoying people this year, but these are the intolerable highlights. I am a very intolerable individual.

6. Tragic shootings in Colorado and Connecticut. Horribly, both states have the same first letter. I'm sure it is just a coincidence--letters do not account for conspiracy, fortunately. What is awfully unfortunate is the events that unfolded in each state. One occurred in late July, in Aurora, Colorado: An insane college student, who considered himself "the Joker", unleashed a storm of bullets on twelve unassuming victims in a movie theater, showing The Dark Knight Rises. I recall the day when I read about this horrid occurrence, on MSN's homepage, and how stunned I was that I could not even form the words. I had to read several accounts of the incident before I could spout some coherent opinion of what happened: How could this have happened? It is so sudden and unexpected--a movie theater of all places, my assumed sanctuary. The suspect (and definite murderer behind the case, clearly) is still on trial, after five months, and word about his execution has been spread though nothing is certain. When a tragedy as awful as this happens, the one behind it deserves death. And the fact that he will most likely be given life in prison based on temporary insanity taints the idea of our nation's jurisdiction (or government, or whomever is in charge). Shortly after this dreadful shooting, another unfolds in an elementary school in Connecticut. An elementary school. Although guns are targeted by the vehement parents of NRA and President Obama himself, they are not to blame. The one holding the gun that took more than twenty lives is to be focused on; in other words, the mental state of potential criminals is what should be analyzed and dealt with. Concentrate on the person, not the tool in which the crime was committed (by). Each of these events are devastatingly unthinkable and place this country to shame that they occurred consecutively. In the same year. Needless to say that I desperately hope nothing like this happens again. Take caution and account of your live for the following year.

7. The Artist wins Best Picture. The first silent film to receive the esteem since Wings in 1927. Quite an impressive feat in the cinematic world, I would say. I wished to remind you all that this extraordinary masterpiece does exist. It seems that, each year, the prodigy of the Academy Awards is forgotten after the ceremony ends, and, though it fits for previous winners, The Artist deserves the acclaim. This mention is not only a nod towards a landmark in film history, but an event that impacted me as well. Finally, a film I truly adored was recognized for its outstanding quality at the Academy Awards. That is what their purpose is after all, right? Recognizing films that will be remembered for years to come, those that affect cinema? Indubitably so. Here it is. My indication towards its brilliance. And to Jean Dujardin, the Best Actor recipient, whose inaudible performance was incredible. And to Berenice Bejo, who demonstrated elegance and grace sans dialogue. And to Michel Hazanavicius, who pioneered as one to be reckoned with in the United States by claiming a Best Director statuette and creating a silent film that is truly marvelous. Do not forget The Artist. Absolute excellence in cinema. (The Artist: A Cinematic Masterpiece)

Well, that's that. I did warn you that nothing really happened to me this year. Therefore, not much to say other than what was said. And it was said. And done. The year went by incredibly and amazingly quickly in the most shocking of ways. I had difficulty in even recounting these occurrences as detailed as they are. They are wonderfully accounted for and described, aren't they? I enjoyed reminiscing, and hope you enjoyed reading my endeavors just as much. Then again, how interesting is my life? Recall your own life these last few minutes of the year that was 2012. The year that shall commence in less than an hour should be spectacular. Various epic films will be released in 2013, according to a reliable source, and will be enormously anticipated by myself and many others. I am just extending as much as I can at this point. Have a very happy and great celebration! Happy New Year!

Oh, and one more thing. A delightful video on YouTube that has brightened my day on several occasions. A lovely montage of cinema.

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