Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Weekly Review

Batman - 54/100 - "I am somewhat of an avid Batman fan, compared to all the other mediocre superheroes. When this particular installment caught my eye, I just had to watch it, for the costumes were hilarious and very comic-based. The movie itself is rather foolish and something a child would believe. Most of the villains, the big kahunas at least, are included; The Joker and his awful make-up under his awful mustache, Catwoman and her constant purring, The Penguin and his chubbiness and beaked nose, and the silly Riddler and his stupid "riddles". For families, I think this would be an excellent choice and a blast from the past. For adults, enter with caution, for you will laugh until you cry." (IMDb rates it 63/100)

Payback - 78/100 - "One of Mel Gibson's best movies, Payback is a marvelous piece of cinema, from plot to camera shots. The storyline is engrossing, causing you to be hypnotized by what will happen next. Also, the movie is incredibly stylish, from the way the camera graces the scene to the darkish blue color of the movie, making it look slightly black-and-white. Mel Gibson provides an unforgettable performance, captivating and believable. The scenes where he is severely injured, especially the hammer scene, make the auidience cringe with suffering, from the pain and for mel Gibson's character. All this hurt just so Gibson will get his tiny, well-earned portion of seventy grand. Perhaps the best revenge movie there is. (IMDb rates it 69/100)

You Don't Mess with the Zohan! - 67/100 - "In my opinion, one of the most hilarious comedies of that summer, and possibly of Adam Sandler's career, Zohan is terrific. From one scene to another, this movie is nonstop laughter! Whether it's making fun of Arab/Israeli culture or simple physical humor, you won't be able to stand. For example, Rob Schneider (one of Adam Sandler's go-to guys) plays Salim, an Arab cab driver who hates Zohan, is a source of huge hilarity, with his angry, short outbursts! There are countless examples on why this movie is super hilarious. Find them out for yourself, you won't regret it." (IMDb rates it 57/100)

The Illusionist - 60/100 - "The first time I watched this movie, I was stunned and fascinated by the movie's "magic" and thrill, up to the ending. Truly excellent, I thought. However, after watching it a second time, I was rather disappointed, for I thought my first judgement would persist. At first, the movie showed such shock and surprise, from what I remember. Another go at it, and I found the plot to be simple and sort of predictable almost. I recommend only one watch for this, for from what started as admiration for the film turned to plain decency." (IMDb rates it 77/100)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 73/100 - "A delightfully wondrous movie about an amazing chocolate factory and having a virtuous heart describes Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. One of Tim Burton's most odd films (meaning it's weird that he make a movie meant more for children), this one is most superb and most colorful. His go-to guy Johnny Depp provides a fantastic performance as the zany, eccentric chocolatier, which is expected. This is a marvelous choice for "family-movie-night", if you have such a thing, and a truly scrumdiddlyumptious movie for all to cherish." (IMDb rates it 71/100)

The Muse - 53/100 - "This movie is awfully simple and, at times, plain awful. The plot involves an inspiration for screenwriters, and she's played by the great Sharon Stone. She is the only thing I like about this movie, being completely neurotic and high-maintenance. I love the fact that the movie includes various, famous directors, such as Martin Scorsese who is actually pretty funny, as cameos. Albert Brooks is utterly horrible, making constant jokes about how bad his life is. Andie MacDowell is her 'ol Southern Belle self, and I still despise her for unknown reasons. It's a one time watch, take my word for it." (IMDb rates it 55/100)

Cop Out - 59/100 - "I gave this a decent rating because I still love Kevin Smith movies. This one, however, was unlike is other ones, which was why not a lot of people enjoyed it. I could tell he made this either for the money or to try and adapt to modern genre. Either way, he shouldn't have done it. Cop Out was decent in the humor department, but kind of lacking in the storyline area. Plus, his choice of actors was kind of unexpected and I didn't care for it either, for I'm not a fan of Bruce Willis or Tracey Morgan. I did love Seann William Scott though, and he is worth watching this unsatisfactory movie." (IMDb rates it 58/100)

Dirty Work - 64/100 - "A Saturday Night Live-type comedy, and a movie about revenge in a funny aspect, this movie is a must-see. There's loads of humor, and many of the SNL cast, which makes it that much better. Chris Farley (R.I.P.) is ritiously hilarious and, as usual, incredibly loud and rather dumb. (I miss his humor.) Norm MacDonald is hilarious, being both a cynic and a coward, and starts a business with a goal of providing revenge to people who seek it. However, the overall plot, the reason why he start the business, has been done before numerous times. Either way, it's great. Find out for yourself!" (IMDb rates it 61/100)

Back-Up Plan - 51/100 - "Another 'romantic comedy', which entails its predictability and horridness, about a woman who's artificially inseminated with a baby, then finds love right after. So, what happens is a bunch of messes, some meant to be funny and some that are serious, but made funny by me. Jennifer Lopez, as usual, is the center of attention, and the only pretty lady in the entire production, because we all know she is the only one allowed to look good (my dad pointed that out). She and Stan, to me, don't have good chemistry; it's your typical cougar situation. Anyway, this movie is something I do not recommend, for it is terrible and somewhat nasty in some parts. Please don't find out what it is." (IMDb rates it 44/100)

Clash of the Titans - 62/100 - "A surprisingly adequate movie, Clash of the Titans, which I suppose is a remake of the original 1981 one, is not bad at all. If any of you watched Percy Jackson, the plot is very similar to that one, only made better and for mature adults. Also, I have to praise its visual effects because they are outstanding and look so real; it makes Percy Jackson look like a mild cartoon. Sam Worthington was a reason I didn't care for this movie too much because his last appearance as an actor in Avatar was really awful. Ralph Fiennes was great as Hades, as he always is with villainy, but I would like it if he raised his voice a bit here, for he mutters most of the time. Liam Neeson was a wonderful Zeus, and I loved the relation between him and Fiennes; it was like a Schindler's List flashback. Anyway, this film is really great and I'm sure anyone would enjoy it." (IMDb rates it 60/100)

Friday, July 9, 2010


Weekly Review

Houseguest - 49/100 - "As a kid, I remember this movie being much funnier. Now, it's kind of...lackluster. Sinbad gave too much in his performance, and reminded me of a black version of Tom Arnold...not a good thing. Phil Hartman was the best part of the picture, providing some humor for this unfunny piece of a film." (IMDb rates it 56/100)

Oscar - 99/100 - "I've watched this movie over a dozen times, and cannot get enough. Oscar is truly the most entertaining movie I've ever laid eyes on, and has the ability to make you laugh until you your lungs start heaving wildly! A movie full of disasters and wrecks at every corner, Oscar is the most magnificent movies I have watch in my life." (IMDb rates it 57/100)

The First Wives Club - 67/100 - "A very enjoyable flick for anyone, even a family, for today's standards/values are much more PG-13. Nevertheless, this movie is highly recommended, by me, and I have the proof of having watched it three times this past week! The three, prolific actresses are wonderful; Diane Keaton being meekly and vulnerable, Bette Midler being feminist yet humorous, and Goldie Hawn being the beauty and humor, as well." (IMDb rates it 56/100)

The Apartment - 97/100 - "Like the tag line states, there has never been anything so laughable, lovable and enjoyable to watch! The Apartment is truly a timeless picture that deserved its esteemed recognition. Jack Lemmon is outstanding, as usual, and is a funny adorable character. Shirley MacLaine is marvelous, and certainly deserves Lemmon's kindness and adoration. Perhaps Billy Wilder's best film, The Apartment is a must-see!" (IMDb rates it 84/100; #96 in the Top 250)

Twins - 73/100 - "Your average 1980s movie, but has extra merriment and certainly much more humor. From the overall plot, this movie has a no-lose situation! Arnold Schwarzenegger is hilarious as a strapping naive foreigner who finds his 'twin', an equally funny Danny DeVito, who is stocky and selfish. Right there, the humor is guaranteed and definitely provided." (IMDb rates it 59/100)

Wild Wild West - 78/100 - "This is one of the most under appreciated, maybe despised, movie of all time. In my eyes, however, it is one of the most excellent comedies ever devised. Again, my unconventional taste of movies operates, for Wild Wild West was the Razzie king in 1999. Nonetheless, I love this movie and wish to praise it, as it is deserved to. Kevin Kline is brilliant in this movie, as always, and was very very funny. Salma Hayek was decent in her performance and certainly doesn't deserve the awful criticism she got. I highly recommend you watch it, and ignore those nasty critics, for this movie is fantastic." (IMDb rates it 43/100)

Bird on a Wire - 71/100 - "Another average 80s action, plot-wise, but otherwise it's pretty darn good! The action seem real, more real than other 1980-era action garbage. Mel Gibson is terrific, as usual, and very charming and hilarious. Goldie Hawn is a lovely damsel-in-action, and a perfect counterpart for Gibson; they are both in sync and come off each other's jokes. Sure, this movie is highly predictable, but I'd give it a go because it's supposedly a 1980s classic and it's adequately action-packed." (IMDb rates it 54/100)

Bandidas - 77/100 - "You probably never heard of this one, but it is super nevertheless! An above-average western movie, Bandidas is immensely enjoyable and full of laughter. Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are wonderful together, and fit perfectly as an on-screen duo. Plus, they're both equally beautiful, appearance-wise. Steve Zahn is a hilarious addition, being the woman's hostage as well as a detective, which contradicts their position as bank robbers. This movie was highly entertaining and should be more known and not harmed by the critics, like Wild Wild West." (IMDb rates it 56/100)

Maverick - 84/100 - "This film is most certainly the best western-type I've ever watched, and one of the best films period. I absolutely loved this picture, and the plot having to do with constant revenge, gambling, and poker. Mel Gibson, again, is excellent, humor-wise and performance-wise, and is a true charismatic actor. Jodie Foster was lovely here, with her composed demureness, and funny yet embarrassing faults. Here, she looked the most appealing I've ever seen her. The most entertaining western I've seen, Maverick is a definite must-see." (IMDb rates it 68/100)

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - 68/100 - "A film I've anticipated to watch for the duration of its production, this movie was kind of a...disappointment. From the trailer, I was hoping for the movie to be a bit more complicated, therefore required to watch more than once to understand. However, I was shot down, for it was incredibly simple and easy to comprehend. Also, the actors I awaited to see, Johnny Depp mainly, were only in the film for less than ten minutes! Plus, Heath Ledger's presence in the movie was a little uncomfortable, for his last performance as the Joker was terrible (that's right). Either way, the movie's art direction and scenery was gloriously extraordinary, deserving its unattained Oscar for that category." (IMDb rates it 72/100)

Domestic Disturbance - 46/100 - "This movie was one of the best times I had making fun of it! Yeah, it was kind of the opposite of its purpose, which was to frighten, so I decided to mock it harshly instead. Copied off of by The Stepfather's plot, this movie is about a stepfather 'who isn't who he says he is', which is so predictable, I didn't care paying full attention to. What I do know is that John Travolta was awfully horrible, acting-wise, for his character came off as frazzled, weak and especially corny. In fact, he acted like a stepfather to the son! His Razzie nomination was certainly well-deserved (for a change). Vince Vaughn, who is typically a hilarious-type of actor, was kind of convincing as a killer and was the most decent part of the movie. It's a one-time make-fun-of movie though, so it's a no-win movie. Truly awful." (IMDb rates it 53/100)

Panic Room - 60/100 - "In order to watch this movie, I had to literally be tied down, for I am reluctant when it comes to (apparent-)thriller flicks. Fortunately, it was not terrifying whatsoever, and was another unintentionally funny movie. The plot was solid though, I'll give David Fincher that, but otherwise, the movie was literally endless. One minute, it seems the criminals will give up, the next they attempt to gas the captives out of the room. Anyway, Jodie Foster was decent here, and I can see why she went into the thriller-movie business because she provides a tense performance. The criminals were a huge joke, for they had no idea what they were doing and did stuff on impulse, no plan at all. Forest Whitaker was the most calm guy there and he knew what he was doing, as well as had common sense. Raoul was the biggest joke of all, being a bus driver who came to this gig with a gun and bullet-proof vest. It's a simple house-theft, for God's sake! This movie wasn't too bad, and I'm glad I finally watched it (that's for you Daddy!)" (IMDb rates it 69/100)


Indiana Jones Trilogy - 67/100 - "One of the most prolific trilogies of all time, Indiana Jones is a must-see for audiences of all ages and genders! Watch as Indiana explores unknown lands in search for precious treasures! Awe at the beauty of his women and the romance they share! Be amazed at Indiana's fighting abilities and root for him in all of his endeavors! America's most cherished adventure saga, ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes upon the escapades of Indiana Jones! (IMDb rates them 1) 87/100; #20 on the Top 250, 2) 75/100, and 3) 83/100; #101 on the Top 250)

Ocean's Trilogy - 72/100 - "One of the best heist movies ever, the Oceans' movies are remarkable. All the characters, mainly the two leaders, are all suave, confident, and sly. They have to be in order to rob three major casinos! And each year, they get better at what they do, having an addition of one. Also, the movies' all-star casts are a major appeal. George Clooney is super-suave and handsome, and the mastermind behind all the group's exploits. Brad Pitt is even more charming and sexy, being the group's sort-of guide or wisdom-provider. Plus the two are incredibly witty! These movies are majorly popular and majorly entertaining, a must-see for all movie goers."
(I rate them 1) 77/100, 2) 71/100, and 3) 68/100)
(IMDb rates them 1) 76/100, 2) 60/100, and 3) 69/100)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


All right, I've watched Oscar so many times that I lost count, but it's somewhere around...a thousand. I absolutely adore this movie, I can watch again and again (obviously) and never get tired of it! The plot? Excellent and immensely hilarious. The acting? Wonderful and enjoyably funny. Everything down to make-up department, this movie is magnificent. Now, here we are again, with the Razzies' tremendous stupidity. Why give such an incredible film recognition for worst anything? Are they that insecure as to give Sylvester Stallone, an esteemed actor, and Marisa Tomei, an esteemed actress, Razzies for their acting? Is this some demented way of getting back at them for their success? Whatever it may be, I say fuck the Razzies, for this movie is genius.

Oscar begins with Angelo "Snaps" Provolone (played by Sylvester Stallone) arriving at his father's death bed. As a last request, his father makes Snaps promise to quit his gangster ways, and become an honest businessman (or banker, in this scenario). Months later, the day dawns upon Snaps where he may become a banker, for several bankers will be coming at noon. Everything must go perfectly, and will...until the doorbell rings.

Snaps's right-hand man, now the house's butler, Aldo, answers the door. Standing there is Snaps's accountant, Anthony Rossano, who is asking to see Snaps on a matter of life and death. After he awakens, from a startling wake-up call, he and Anthony have the discussion on the atrium (as Snaps recites from his word-a-day booklet). The cause of Anthony's arrival was to ask for a raise to make $1,400 a month, and back in the 30s it was pretty steep. Then, he says he wants the raise to support his girlfriend, who he will propose to for marriage. Snaps reluctantly agrees, telling Little Anthony to go propose...and that's when Anthony asks Snaps for his daughter's hand in matrimony. Of course, responding in his fatherly position, he tries and strangles Anthony, out of rage. That is when Anthony reassures that he has some money of his own, almost fifty grand...only he stole it from Snaps. What a lovely awakening!

After all that commotion, Snaps goes upstairs to confront his daughter, Lisa (played by Marisa Tomei), who is somewhat of a spoiled brat. His daughter confirms all his questions, about Anthony, only he didn't specifically specify his name. Either way, Lisa does have a boyfriend, who she hopes will propose to her, so she can get out of that house. Snaps denies her dreams, and rushes downstairs to meet up with the Finuccis, his tailors. Throughout the movie, he will be interrupted during his fitting, which is very funny. Meanwhile, the house's maid, Nora, suggests for Lisa to pretend she is pregnant, so she can be allowed to marry her boyfriend and get out of that house. The plan works well, and Snaps gives his consent for her to marry.

Ding Dong. At the door is a woman named Theresa, asking to see Mr. Provolone (who else?). She confesses to him that she was pretending to be his daughter, in order for Anthony to like her. So, she is the one Anthony wants to marry, not Lisa. But then who's the father of his actual daughter's baby? Either way, Snaps is thrilled his accountant isn't marrying Lisa. Next, Snaps's wife, Sofia, arrives, demanding him to rehire their old chauffeur, Oscar. Snaps says she's got more things to worry about, and tells her about Lisa's situation. The three are in Lisa's bedroom, and Lisa is fake-bawling to her mom, saying the whole problem is her father's fault because he "suffocated her" in this tiny room. Lisa, now, tells them who the (fake-)father is...Oscar. The chauffeur! The search for Oscar is now on! When they find out he left the country, Snaps decides to make Anthony marry his daughter (since he and Theresa had an argument), therefore returning the money he stole from him.

Ding Dong. At the door is Snaps's elocution teacher, Dr. Poole (played by Tim Curry). In order to become a banker, Snaps must pronounce words properly and overall enunciate his sentences. While Snaps tries to finish his fitting, Anthony devises a plan to get out of this arranged marriage. He convinces Lisa that Dr. Poole is in love with her, which she believes, therefore falling in love with him. She goes to tell him the news, and Snaps says it's all right, as long as she won't change her mind, for this is her third husband today! Snaps persuades Dr. Poole to be his daughter's beloved, and the doctor seems to be ecstatic about it after he's met Lisa.

Ding Dong. At the door is the potential new maid (since the other one quit to marry someone), and Snaps quickly discovers that this maid is his ex-girlfriend, who abruptly left him with no explanation, until now, of course. She admits to him that she was pregnant, with his baby, and she's a grown woman now, engaged to an accountant...who makes $1,400 a month. Anthony Rossano is his name, and Theresa is the new maid's daughter...who is also Snaps's daughter. So, she is his daughter!

All the mess that started this morning is all wrapped up, and now Snaps must meet with the bankers. The bankers' true idea was to simply allow Snaps in, taking his money, but not letting him experience being an actual banker. Suddenly, the police barge in, and assuming that Snaps hasn't gone straight yet, try to bust him, but instead end up embarrassed, since the money in that "little black bag" is full of underwear, not money (I'll explain). Luckily, the lieutenant crashes into the real gangsters, the O'Banya gang, and bust them.

Now, it's time for the weddings! Anthony and Theresa get married, Lisa and Dr. Poole get married. Suddenly, a man bursts in, interrupting the ceremony. The priest: Who are you? The man: I'm Oscar. He doesn't matter anymore, so out with him, expeditiously! All happy endings!

Okay, so who wouldn't love this movie? It has you action, it has you romance, and it most certainly has your uproarious comedy! Everything in this movie is ideal. Sylvester Stallone portrays the gangster Snaps Provolone terrifically, responding to all inconvenient events wonderfully, and believably! Marisa Tomei's performance was great, for she acted very well as the spoiled brat. All her lines about escaping the house were truly acceptable, as well as her floozy-ness. So, Razzies, piss off! They were fantastic!

Back to the little black bag. It all starts when Anthony brings Snaps his money, only in the form of jewels, for they were meant for Theresa. Then, Anthony admits he stole another fifty grand from him and gives it back to him, in the form of cash. Then, Nora, the maid who was leaving to go live with her fiance, has her suitcase, identical to the two other bags, full of her underwear. This bag gets switched around a lot, thanks to the maid. First, she mixes them up right before her departure. Then, she comes back to switch them. Then, a guy from her new residence comes by to switch them, since Snaps already called requesting for a switch. Then, Nora comes back and switches them, one last time.

Also, I wanted to provide some of the hilarious scenes, if you still aren't convinced this movie is outstanding. One, where Snaps disarms one of his men, Connie, who has a numerous supply of weapons on his person! Some are a medieval mace, poison, dynamite, a pipe, a slingshot, and more. Two, Snaps lies to Anthony, telling him that the Finuccis are gangsters, willing to kill Anthony if he doesn't return the money. The two tailors encounter frightened Anthony and they have a "two-way" conversation. The tailors rave about their thriving business. Anthony thinks they're talking about the business of hit men. Three, the entire movie!

I give this glorious masterpiece a 99/100. This movie is amazingly brilliant, and, like I said, I can watch it over and over again without growing exhausted. No flaws, whatsoever. An absolutely, positively wonderful work of cinema. Genius.