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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sex and the City 2


I just came home from watching Sex and the City 2, and I literally jumped on Blogger to give my opinion on it when it's still fresh in my mind. As expected, the sequel to the 2008 disaster was terrible. The lines were heavily recycled over and over. The humor wanted to be dirty, but instead turned out to be just plain disgusting. The characters' performances were awful, particularly Samantha. The plot was absolutely dumb. Traveling to the Middle East to bring American culture to some strange man's hotel? Dumb.

To begin this god-awful journey, the girls are attending the gay wedding of Anthony and Stanford. (How lovely, a homosexual wedding full gay guests) Carrie is Stanford's best man, so she decides to wear a tuxedo...with it, some Carrie-flair. A strange looking black, feathery crown, I'm guessing?

Anyway, this part is incredibly tedious. The next morning, the girls gather around for breakfast and chit-chat. Samantha begins taking numerous amounts of pills, hormones mostly to keep her "sexy body" alive, which is the foundation of all her "jokes". Charlotte (my favorite) informs her friends of her new nanny, a young, bra less Scottish chick, who attracts the sight of all the husbands. Pretty distracting.

The next is yada yada yada. When the "fun" really starts is when they travel to the exotic land of...Abu Dhabi, somewhere-in-the-Middle-East. After a confusingly random business deal (?), Samantha earns the privilege of taking her friends to this place, all-expense paid. (I guess fucking that mimbo actor paid off, huh?)

So, the girls arrive in Abu, off a gorgeous first-class flight, and they each receive their own mode of transportation. Extravagant much? Then, they go to their hotel (it's like the Taj Mahal!) and meet their own personal slaves (aka butlers).

Unfortunately, at baggage inspection, Samantha's miracle pills were confiscated, so she is hormone free, and sex-free at the moment. Poor old woman. Miranda wants to learn Arabic cultures, therefore is an annoying know-it-all throughout the entire film. Charlotte is desperately paranoid because she believes her husband is having an affair with the large-nipple nanny. Carrie is having marital issues with her husband "Mr. Big" because he makes the idiotic request of having a two-day break from each other every week. And this is supposed to be a good thing. Pretty darn retarded.

As Samantha goes through menopause all over again, Carrie visits the market with Miranda. While Miranda giddily browses through spices, Carrie purchases some hideous shoes with horns on them. Afterwards, she bumps into an old flame. Aidan. They flirtatiously chat about stuff, and eventually have a date, which ends with Aidan kissing Carrie. Gasp! Carries makes the dumbass mistake of confessing to Big about it, and he gives her the cold shoulder for a while. (Later, he caves and they live happily ever after)

Samantha, becoming even more of a bitch without her sexy pills, encounters a mysterious, handsome Australian architect (Art Vandelay!) They soon have the sex...the very public sex in front of conservative, tattletale Arabs. Samantha goes to jail, she gets out, she goes home, she meets Mr. Aussie-Architect, and they have the sex once more.

This movie is all just of nonsense blah-blah-blah. It's pretty much the first Sex and the City movie, but with Arabs. Samantha really gets under my skin here, with her bitchiness and her "I'm-so-much-better-than-you-as-well-as-hotter-than-you-bitch" vibe. Yuck yuck yuck. Carrie's sense of fashion, once again, astounds me, with cardboard hats, puffy tutus and dreadful accessories.

However, I did like that there were some cameos, like Penelope Cruz. Enjoyable. Liza Minnelli was a nice touch, too, but I'd rather not see her dance to "Single Ladies". That was just haunting.

Sex and the City 2 was a horrible movie. The lines, like I said, were repeated over and over, like Carrie's irking "advice". The "dirty jokes" were not funny and either too obvious or too repulsive. Ex: Samantha being taught how to smoke from those Arabian pipes, using sexual slurs that are way too obvious and overused. Wow, sucking on that pipe is like sucking a cock. Ha ha.

Although, no matter how ghastly this movie may be. No matter how truly awful the script is, and how appalling the acting is...I still take pleasure from watching it. You could say that it's a "guilty pleasure" of mine, like Michael Adams would say. I give this a 46/100 'because there is no greater love than fashion'.

(P.S. Michael Adams is the author of the book Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest to Find The Worst Movie Ever Made, and has a bunch of terminology I'll be incorporating in my posts. Hope he doesn't mind)

When in Rome



When in Rome is a romantic comedy about an ambitious woman, Beth, who is extremely unlucky with love. Not a whole lot is explained on her past flames, to prove that she is unlucky with love, so I find that opening hook silly/foolish. Anyway, her baby sister is getting married (in Rome!) so she travels to scenic Rome, Italy. There, she meets Nick, a handsome, clumsy guy who "sweeps her of her feet". Not literally, though.


Anyway, she catches him with some Italian woman, so all her hopes of marrying him are crushed. Luckily, she dives into the Fountain of Love (centered in Italy's town square) and collects random coins. She thinks she's saving these hopeless people from the pain of love, but she's really doing is helping them fall in love...with her. These four desperate guys (fortunate they are males) begin to stalk poor Beth.


Among these men are Will Arnett (plays Antonio, the phony Italian artist), Dax Shepard (plays Gale, a conceited, muscular model), Jon Heder (plays Lance, a striving magician), and Danny DeVito (plays Al, a sausage-lover). These pathetic guys are the highlight of this film; if the movie were loaded with more scenes with these guys, the movie would be an instant comedy I'd re-watch!


Unfortunately, they are only supporting. The main focus on this movie surround Beth and Nick's developing relationship, and growing love. However, Beth hesitates going all-the-way with him because she has (superstitious) reasons to believe he is under the fountain's spell. She is that diffident that she thinks no man could love her, unless their forced to by some stupid spell.


To sum up, this movie was typical, full of cheesy moments and unnecessarily lengthy jokes. For example, the scene where Beth has to break the vase, but repeatedly fails, goes on for what-feels-like

Also, surprisingly, the movie got better at the end, which is odd because this type usually ends even worse than the beginning. Maybe because the four "losers" were at the end for the most part.


I give this a 59/100. As I said before, if those four guys were in this movie more, it would have been a truly awesome flick.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Groundhog Day


I watched Groundhog Day a couple of hours ago, since it was such a classic. And, honestly, I didn't know what all the fuss was about. Although, I'd expect as much from disreputable Bill Murray, for my most recent experience with him in Scrooged was awfully inadequate. Also, I am NOT a fan of the allegedly "picture-perfect" actress Andie Macdowell. I absolutely despise everything about her; her acting, her narcissistic manner, and her god-awful Southern accent.

Anyway, Groundhog Day is about a pessimistic weatherman named Phil (played by Bill Murray) who finds himself going through the same routine everyday, metaphorically speaking.

Later, he goes to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to broadcast Phil the Groundhog examining his shadow, declaring whether spring will begin or not. Phil (the man) hates Groundhog Day, a result of his grouchiness, so he loathes every minute in this small town. The next day, he wakes up to, not the third, but the second of February, Groundhog Day, again! This course repeats itself over and over for about a year (this is an estimation, but it appears to be accurate, for he has accomplished so much in this repetitive day)

Throughout these days, Phil (the man) goes through several stages: first, confusion from deja vu.

Second, elation from the fact he can do anything and no one else will be the wiser. Third, depression from boredom and temporary insanity. Fourth, compassion because what else is there to feel?

From this compassion, he assists town folk in situations, like car trouble and the occasional clumsy kid in a tree. Also, he attempts to seduce his producer Rita (played by Andie MacDowell) but fails miserably, so he tries to take it slow by learning about her and befriending her.

Overall, this movie is loaded with corny moments, like the scene where Rita opens up to Phil (the man) by saying she wants a man who's romantic, funny, intelligent, successful, handsome, and other sappy shit. Also, she NEEDS a man who can play the instrument! If he cannot fulfill at least one of these requirements, he's not the man for her.

This movie has made me doubt Bill Murray's decency in acting, unfortunately. I realize now that he made only one movie I admire him in, and that is Man who Knew Too Little. His good-bad movie tally is now 1-2. Sorry, Bill.

My score for this is 56/100. Although it wasn't as horrid as Scrooged, Groundhog Day represents all the cheesiness there is in present movies and should have been released straight to DVD where people wouldn't locate it. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

(P.S. It's strange how Bill Murray always plays an arrogant, egotistical cynic, isn't it?)

Friday, May 28, 2010

Witches of Eastwick


Witches of Eastwick was an incredibly enjoyable movie, full of paranormal mishaps and delightful comedy. It even has some demonic forces being flung around! It also has an all-star cast, some of them being Jack Nicholson, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon and Cher.
Based on the book by John Updike, Witches of Eastwick is a dark comedy about three single women who wish for the perfect man--what they get is a wickedly charming man with a devious persona. Daryl Van Horne is his name, that people couldn't remember at first, oddly. Alexandra Medford is a divorced sculpter; Jane Spofford is a divorced cellist; Sukie Ridgemont is a divorced writer and mother of about six.
Anyway, he seduces every one of those women, and lures them into his house for residing. They all adore their new residence, as well as their host's irresitble personality. However, their merriment is disturbed when citizens of Eastwick gossip about Daryl's mysterious vibe; since their church-goers, they believe he is evil. Especially Felicia Alden, who literally goes insane after some freak accident, caused by Daryl.
Eventually, the three girls follow townsfolks' advice by abandoning his mansion, which infuriates Daryl, causing him to reak havoc onto the women. That havoc is the girls' worst fears. Jane almost shrivels into ancient age; Alexandra wakes up in a bed full of posionous snakes; Sukie receives severe pain all throughout her body.
Fortunately, the women are not dim-witted, for they devise a plan to be rid of Daryl. They create a voodoo doll and snap it in half, banishing Daryl for good.
Overall, Jack Nicholson's performance was magnificent, one of his best acting yet. He provides the auidience with witty humor and insightful statements/quotes. His best scene was when he was flustered in the church, making a speech on how nobody's perfect, not even God. "Of course, when WE make mistakes they call it evil. When GOD makes mistakes, they call it... nature." Excellent performance, indeed.
I give this a 72/100. I love movies with dark humor and witchcraft. Put Jack Nicholson in the mix, and you have yourself a hell of a flick.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Zodiac


I watched this movie just last night (nice 'goodnight', right?) and, man, was it great. I've heard people say it was too long and tedious, so I didn't want to burden myself with the time. Later, however, I developed an enormous crush on Robert Downey Jr. (yummmay!) so I decided to rent it. Those people who slammed this film? Exile them to dim-witted hell.

Zodiac is a film, set in the 1960s-70s, based on the true story of the Zodiac killer in California. Anytime he kills someone (which is usually a heterosexual couple) he sends a letter to the San Francisco Chronicle. In those letters, is a cipher of some sort that the killer wants printed on the cover of the newspaper. The three main characters in this film are Robert Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal), David Toschi (Mark Ruffalo), and Paul Avery (Robert Downey Jr.)

At first (surprisingly) the police aren't involved at all, from what I viewed. All the inspector-characters didn't appear until the second murder! So, in the meantime, Graysmith, a cartoonist, becomes fixated on the Zodiac. He even attends the meetings where the editors converse with one another about the letters, which is highly unnecessary.

Anyway, Graysmith is involved nevertheless, which actually helps solve the case in the long run. Inspector Toschi is assigned to investigate the Zodiac case, which he becomes overly engaged in. After several false motives, they locate a reasonable suspect, Arthur Leigh Allen. There is numerous evidence that he's the killer, like discussions of mass-murdering, handwriting, Zodiac watch with the symbol, etc. He is definitely it in the end, but the the writer or director will not clearly specify that fact.

This is an excellent excellent movie, and at two hours and forty-four minutes, it is at a moderate time limit. The ending, however, was a bit sketchy and unexplained, like Bob Vaughn, who had an eerie vibe and killer-persona. Also, he had the exact handwriting of the Zodiac and personality of him as well.

All the acting in this movie is superb, even Jake Gyllenhaal, who I rather dislike on the count of his Brokeback Mountain (a movie I will never ever "review"). Mark Ruffalo is astonishingly decent here, for he is usually the mopey romantic guy in cinema. Robert Downey Jr., of course, was marvelous. His sense of humor was great and his personality was that of a cynic, like me. And he was incredibly sexy and tasty, as always;)

This movie has opened my horizon of movies, allowing me to be able to watch more sophisticated movies, which is great! I give Zodiac an 88/100. I love movies about serial killers, just not movies that display the act every moment:) (no horrors for me, thank you very much!)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel


I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks, unfortunately, more than once. The movie was pure garbage, what with the chipmunks' dumb humor and Jason Lee's awful acting. From that mistake, I made another one by watching its sequel, or "squeakquel".
When IMDb announced that 20th Century Fox is going to release yet another "comedy" about the famous rodents, I practically shat myself from laughter. "What could this one be about?" I asked myself. Sure enough, it had absolutely zero-plot.

The chipmunks are back (Alvin even says it when the title appears) and they are still performing concerts. (I found this strange because I thought they stopped, since they fired Ian and went back to safe-Dave)
Anyway, after Dave is severely injured, thanks to his own stupidity, he sends his"boys" over to his aunt Jackie's. (played by Desperate Housewives's Mrs. McCluskey!) However, due to an accident, she cannot fulfill her duties as babysitter, so her grandson(?), Toby, watches them.

The horrid-ness of this movie began when Dave informs the chipmunks that he has enrolled them in high school. Yes, 12-inch tall rodents will be attending school with 5-foot teens. When they arrive, every girl is all over them; one of them even sighs romantically when Alvin kisses their finger. The boys, however, are not pleased. The tough guys actually get jealous of them! People jealous of animals, yes that's correct.
They get so infuriated that they begin an angsty chase around the school for them. The main jock, Ryan, gathers his posse and hunts those girl-stealing rats. This entire scene is incredibly pathetic because, well, why would jocks be satisfied with bullying chipmunks? It makes no sense. Pick on somebody your own size, really.

More insanity starts when the principal of the school admits that she is a huge fan of the chipmunks, she even has a tattoo of them to prove it. (Right on her forearm, I might add, plain in sight for fellow esteemed educators to glance at.)
Next, the female chipmunks are introduced, arriving through FedEx at Jet Records, Ian's former place of employment. But that doesn't stop him from going there everyday! He was so down-on-his-luck that he couldn't afford an actual house, so he has to live in their basement/cellar! Poor Ian Hawk, what a loser! Apparently he still has a grudge against the chipmunks, for clenches when he hears their voice. This voice was of the Chipettes, though.
He hits a "stroke of genius" when he trains the girls as he did the male versions.

The rest is a bunch of blah, blah, blah.
Chipmunks/ettes have a sing-off, Alvin becomes a cocky asshole, Theodore is referred to as Theo, Dave is in a full-body cast and shouts "ALVIN!" day and night, Ian is a pathetic animals-who-can-sing fanatic, Toby's a major doofus (Dax Shepard wannabe, but a retarded version)
Yada, yada, yada.

Overall, this flick was immensely boring, but I did enjoy watching it, for I tormented the movie all throughout. My rate of it is 31/100. My last word of it all: fucking waste of time.
(Sorry daddy, I had to say that. You understand.)

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Kick-Ass


Kick-Ass, from the trailer I saw, looked awesome from the get-go. When I finally watched the movie, not only was it awesome, as I expected, it was fucking amazing. I always thought superhero movies, like Fantastic Four and X-Men, were continuously played out; you never were surprised by the outcome. And their costumes were always conveniently created/designed. Also, the villains goal was never realistic or even respectable (freezing the world, mind-controlling citizens, etc.)

Dave Lizewski, a high school student who is considered a dork or nerd in today's world, wants to change his life into something where he can save the world. This is hilarious because the writers meant for the audience respond in laughter. (Real superhero movies, however, do not mean to tickle your funny bone) Dave buys a ridiculous costume online, and is now known as Kick-Ass. Now, he pretty much walks around in public wearing that, looking for lost pets. Soon after, he encounters his first crime, a car theft, and attempts to apprehend the delinquents. This results in an almost broken neck. This doesn't stop him, so he tries again, and succeeds, for he fights with some street hooligans, which is recorded by some people and he is now a famous superhero.

We now cut to Damon Macready, played by Nicholas Cage, and his daughter, Mindy, shooting each other, with vests on, though. We soon learn that they are both experts at all weapons and fighting bad guys. Their overall goal is to kill Frank D'Amico, played by Mark Strong. D'Amico is the one who put Macready in prison, causing his wife to overdose and die. All the father-daughter duo want is revenge. They are later known as Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, and their costumes are truly awesome. (Big Daddy's is as great as Christian Bale's, maybe better)

After many many fight sequences and mass murders, Big Daddy and Hit-Girl work with Kick-Ass to kill D'Amico. Unfortunately, D'Amico's son, Chris, wants to help his father capture Kick-Ass, so the he becomes a superhero, Red Mist.

Red Mist places the trio in a trap, catching Big Daddy and Kick-Ass. Then, live on television and the Internet, D'Amico's goons torture the two.

Next, in comes the assumed-dead Hit-Girl. She is heavily armed and dangerous, and the scene in which she eliminates all the bad guys in the dark is absolutely remarkable. Sadly, Big Daddy passes when he's burned by a thug.

Now, Hit-Girl, along with Kick-Ass, enter D'Amico's apartment for the final showdown. This involves a series of rapid shootings, by Hit-Girl, who kills almost everyone there. Then, when Hit-Girl is out of ammo, Kick-Ass flies in (literally) on a jet pack loaded with a chain machine gun. This scene is definitely fucking tremendous, when he shoots all the windows down and bad guys in slow-motion. Cool cool stuff. When, D'Amico apprehends Hit-Girl, however, and is about to end her life, Kick-Ass waltzes in with a bazooka and blows the dastardly foe away, obliterating him.

So, to sum up, this was a fucking outstanding movie, filled with senselessly funny humor and awesome fight scenes. It's like a mix of Quentin Tarantino, Sin City, and some superhero flair.

Chloe Moretz, who plays Hit-Girl, is adorable and extremely mature. (She's the first 13-year-old I heard say 'cock'!) The breakout star, Aaron Johnson, who plays Kick-Ass, is very promising and I see a decent career of acting in his future. Mark Strong is fucking astounding and funny, and I love his work in previous movies, therefore I love him here even more. The only thing I would consider cutting out of here is Christopher Mintz-Plasse, who plays Red Mist, because he is unattractive, bad actor, and sounds like he's still going through intense puberty.

I give this an 88/100. It's super-ultra-mega-monster awesomely fucking terrific.

(P.S. I cursed more here because Chloe Moretz is now my role-model:D)

Friday, May 21, 2010

Shrek Forever After


I just came back from watching Shrek Forever After. Surprisingly, there wasn't many people on the first day it came out, to celebrate the popular saga's ending. Anyway, I came home completely satisfied with the events. I went to commemorate my brother's birthday, and I expected this installment of Shrek to be tedious and never ending. However, I found it's adapted humor (to today's society) and quirky reminders of previous chapters to be entertaining.
In this last portion of Shrek, our protagonist, Shrek, endures life of a father; this includes a daily routine of rude awakenings, difficult feedings, obnoxious play dates, interrupted alone-time, and, of course, "the outhouse is clogged up again". Shrek begins to miss the life of a gargantuan ogre, being feared by villagers and what not. At his child's birthday party, he finally reaches his tolerable limit and snaps in front of all the guests and his friends and family.

After he smashed his fist into a cake and regrets ever rescuing Fiona, his wishes come alive... so he assumes. A rat-like cretin, known as Rumpelstiltskin, lures Shrek into signing a contract that enlists him into experiencing the life of an ogre once again. What Shrek wasn't aware of was the many many loopholes and tricks in this seemingly-innocent contract.

What Shrek finds out later is that the contract stated that he never existed! And that Rumpelstiltskin is the new king of Far Far Away.
Shrek must familiarize Donkey, Fiona, and Puss in Boots of their friendship to him. Here, in this alternate universe, Donkey is pulling carts for witches, Fiona is a feisty warrior goddess, and Puss has really let himself go with milk and mice overdoses.

Throughout this movie, there are laughs and heart warmth. The heart warmth meaning the feeling of watching the beloved Shrek saga, my favorite animation. Most of the laughter was for the spoiled, tubby child at the ogre baby's party, who keeps asking Shrek to roar. ("Do it")
I give this a 67/100, for it's effort in making it as good as the second (nothing can beat the first original) and the fact that it is the last one. We'll miss you Shrek. You're our favorite green guy. (at least for me you are, screw the Hulk) :)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hollywood Ending


Sometimes, there are movies that you can watch over and over and over; a movie that has no mood or required setting. Just an excellent movie. One of those rare types of movies is Woody Allen's 2002 Hollywood Ending. It is, in my opinion, one of the greatest of the eccentric director's entire career. Though hard-core Woody Allen fans disagree, admiring his older work more, Hollywood Ending is an extremely original piece, which centers around an unfathomable situation.

The movie focuses on Val Waxman, a once-brilliant New York-bred film director, who is hired (by his ex-wife) to direct a picture set in the Big Apple during the mobster-era. An ideal movie for the washed-up guy to direct. However, what he doesn't expect is to direct the whole film blind! Out of nowhere, he is stripped of his vision, temporarily. (psychosomatic blindness)

No one but his agent, Al, and the cameraman's interpreter knows his secret. Eventually, Ellie, Val's ex-wife, discovers it and begins to help him. What she didn't expect was to end up with him in the end, leaving her fiance, Hal, alone and without a decent movie.

Some of the hilarity of the film revolves around Val's blindness, which isn't technically "nice". Falling off a two-story movie set, as if he thinks it's simply more ground is heart-stoppingly humorous. Bumping into objects, talking to people who aren't there, speaking of others who are there are just some of the other giggly skits. The most hysterical one is the scene where Val and Hal have a "man-to-man" talk about the movie. Val must rehearse where to sit and what to do. Sitting on air, talking to empty spaces, and looking at nothing that's supposed to be something is undeniably hilarious.

This movie is a masterpiece, fulfilling all the requirements of a wonderful movie. Humor, without a doubt is essential and provided. Romance, of course is here. Reality, very much so; the kind of situation that seems unreal, but is and it's petrifying in a funny way.

This is probably Woody Allen's best movie yet, and I give it a 94/100, for I can watch it again and again and again and again and again!


Friday, May 7, 2010

Scrooged


Last night, I watched a Christmas comedy, will Bill Murray, whose work I admire like Man Who Knew Too Little. Perfect comedy for me, right? Nope. This movie was not only UNfunny, but it was not realistic whatsoever. Of course, I understand that this an adaptation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol and I do comprehend that those ghosts he is seeing is pure fantasy. However, the things about life were totally impractical!

In the beginning, it seems that this is an average Christmas comedy, but later (about fifteen minutes or so) my opinion alters. Bill Murray's cynic TV executive, Frank Cross, is over exaggerated, for his portrayal as the selfish man was as if he were Satan himself! Even Scrooge wasn't that heartless! Also, his constant screaming/yelling is completely fake. ("Would you please stop the goddamn hammering?!" is repeated three or four times)

Another fault in the movie was Claire, Frank's ex-girlfriend. "He had an actual girlfriend?? How could this be, if he's such a prick?" Well, I don't know. Anyway, she is completely dull and high-maintenance. An example is that she broke up with Frank for the sole reason that he wanted to have dinner with his boss, and in return could receive a promotion! If their relationship were to last and progress into a family, he would require a high-paying job, not a guy in a dog suit for kids to watch.

To sum up, Scrooged wasn't that bad, for it is only a comedy for families to gather around and watch during the time of Christmas. I give it a 54/100 because I still like Bill Murray (no matter how corny he was here) and I can't help but enjoy the feeling of watching Christmas material:)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Spy Next Door


Recently, I had the displeasure of watching Spy Next Door. This movie was utterly horrible, and I do not suggest it to adults who are looking for a movie to seriously watch. However, if anyone is looking for a movie to mock every moment of, this is the ideal choice for you.


This movie is way ahead of its time (about ten years when Jackie Chan made The Tuxedo) and the jokes have been recycled more than once. The acting is extremely corny; so corny, even kids probably wouldn't like it! Jackie Chan, who I thought made decent movies in his time, plays Bob Ho, a Chineese operative from the CIA who wants to live like a normal person. As usual, in all these spy-type movies, it begins with Bob on his last mission before he retires. The mission: chasing some Russian thug who is doing God-knows-what. Afterwards, his other half of his double life is revealed: fellow neighbor of Suburbia and boyfriend of Gillian, a hot "soccermom".


Bob's relatonship with Gillian is totally fictitious and has no chemistry whatsoever. Gillian's kids, whom Bob tries to warm up to, are Ian, Nora, and Farren. Ian is the classic "loser of the school", getting bullied by two "bullies" (I called them "Bunny Boys", for their teeth were of that nature) Nora is too young to be judged. Farren, played by Madeline Carrol of the indie Swing Vote, was a terrible stereotype of a typical teenager; we don't have that big of an attitude problem and we don't grimace all the time. It's insulting, really.


However, I haven't gotten to the two worst things about this movie. One was the Russian villians. I am a Russian-American and it sort of pesters me to see how Americans see Russians. They don't talk with such a thick accent, and if they were all Russian "comrades", they'd speak their native tongue; English with a Russian accent does not equal actual Russian. Also, I didn't understand what was so evil they were doing. A chemical that destroys oil? Sure, oil from Russia would then be more expensive. But those "criminals" had no appearance of intelligent, successful oil-tycoons. They were more like dumb pranksters.


The second worst thing of this movie was Billy Ray Cyrus, the father of mega-superstar Hannah Montana (whom I also dislike). Just because she is incredibly famous (to five-year olds only, I might add!) doesn't mean she can prance around putting her degenerate relatives in movies. Billy Ray cannot even be called an actor! There is bad acting, and then there is the rare case of "noromal-person-reading-the-script-who-is-credited", which is what Cyrus Sr. is.


To conclude, I give this movie a 28/100, for its lousy acting, typical plot, and overused fighting styles. Jackie Chan's fighting-with-props bit was cool in Around the World in 80 Days, but now it's just tiring. (I also have to add a comment on his name. Bob Ho. How inappropriate and demeaning to Asians!)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

It's Complicated


It's Complicated came out on DVD recently, and I desperately wanted to watch it because I had no time to see it in theaters. (what with my busy schedule!)


The movie stars Meryl Streep, who is commonly used for serious Oscar-material productions, plays Jane, a divorced, bakery-shop owner who is also a mother of three. In the beginning, the plot of the movie is revealed when she sleeps with her ex-husband, Jake, played by suave Alec Baldwin. The former couple assumed that this affair was instigated by the booze from the bar; however, little did they know that they would continue their affair, therefore interfering with their lives. Jane, later, meets Adam the architect, played by Steve Martin. Those two trike up a friendship, but later transforms into a romance.


Now, the title comes into play right from the get-go, when exes have sex, and increase in severeity when Jane & Martin get serious. The movie is full of confusion (for the characters), laughs, shocks, and overall coziness*. John Krasinski's character, Streep's son-in-law, is adorable and I love him, even though he looks cartoonish. The part where he catches the exes in the elevator to have sex (obviously 'cause their making out) is super funny and cute! Alec Baldwin's performance was truly hilarious and charming (yes, charming). Meryl Streep takes an unexpected role as sort of a slut, but a heroic one; sleeping with your ex-husband who is married to the woman he cheated on her with, how inspiring!:D


I give this movie a 74/100, for it's oddness and complications. And the moment where Alec Baldwin flashes Steve Martin via webcam? Priceless laughs-out-loud.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Valentine's Day


I watched Valentine's Day a couple of months ago, and it deserves a fair "review".

I make the word 'fair' bold because pretty much every magazine bashed it cruelly.

Though, on some reasons, I agree with the fact that it was a washed-up American version of Love Actually. Every movie like this, with several plots and characters, should always have an original screenplay and idea; they shouldn't copy off of others, that's tacky.


I love how they have so many familiar faces, of whom I admire (Bradley Cooper, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah)
I don't care for the idea that director Garry Marshall, the master of networking, included new faces, like Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner, two faces I awfully dislike.

I found Topher Grace's obliviousness to valentine's day's arrival impish and unnecessary to apologize for. Anne Hathaway's shameful moonlit career as a "adult phone-entertainer" (aka phone sex lady) makes people, including me, uncomfortable, especially her accents.

Ashton Kucther's character was horribly corny, whiny, and NOT romantic at all. And he always goes for the older women, doesn't he?;)

The teenage couple wanting to have sex, but don't in the end, is very sweet and cute:)

The couple of Shirley MacLaine and Hector Elizondo is incredibly romantic and everlasting.

The most enormous disappointment of all was Bradley Cooper's resolution. It made me weep to see him as out-of-the-closet Sean Jackson's boyfriend. Ick to the eleventh power:(


All in all, this movie was not THAT terrible, and I was glad to see that there was no explanation on why Valentine's Day is the best (except from retarded sap Ashton)

My rating is 68/100 for the sole reason that there was an all-star cast and Bradley Cooper's sexiness gracing the screen many time;D