Jack and Jill went up a hill...

This is in reference to Adam Sandler's recent Hollywood dud of a movie. Critics and audiences everywhere are deeming this his worst movie ever made, calling it immature, pointless, and just plain unfunny. Emphasis on "un-". Before getting into all this (watching the movie, I mean), I figured that this movie would be just as good/bad as all his others. As we all know, Mr. Sandler can be a bit of a child when it comes to making his films hilarious. That, I believe, is his only purpose of making them. And in every movie, he uses the same types of jokes: humiliating the fat/ugly/dim-witted, sudden occurrences of injury, and a few disgusting scenes here and there. Of course, there are a few exceptions to his standard, which I will point out in this post. Let me just inform you that Jack and Jill was not one of those exceptions.

Jack and Jill - Allow me to begin with this nearly-unbearable piece of garbage. As I said, I did not expect anything great nor did I assume this was, indeed, his worst movie, as the public announced. Therefore, I was not prepared for what was in store for me. Not only was this Adam Sandler's most terrible movie, but perhaps the worst of the decade. Never have been so appalled and bored, at the same time, by a single film. Nay, this is no film. This is garbage. That simple. I'm sure you all are aware of the movie's plot: Adam Sandler plays both Jack and Jill, twins extraordinaire. (Not really. Extraordinaire, I mean.) It's not as if I was anticipating a bunch of laughs, but I definitely didn't see myself cringing the entire time. No lie. Unquestionably the worst part of the production, Adam Sandler's portrayal as Jill, a female (barely), is extremely awful. Just awful. His, or her, so-called Brooklyn accent sounded more like a whiny, disabled person who is in desperate need to be euthanized. Along with the movie itself, of course. The mere fact that Adam Sandler actually came up with this idea, for a comedy, to play twin brother and sister is, well, foolish. And that's the nice way of putting it. Seriously, who would want to watch such a "comedy"? Aren't we a bit too old for this ridiculous child's play, Mr. Sandler? Or should I just call you Wittle Adam? Because that's what he's acting like. I mean, come on! I just can't get over how mindless the mere idea of this movie is! (Deep breath. Moving on.) Adam Sandler, playing the male part of Jack, was very...distant, in that he was the main character and I felt he was barely there. They should have titled it Happy Holidays Jill! (Say, that's not bad.) But I guess Wittle Adam wanted a nursery-rhyme connection to the title. Katie Holmes, playing Adam Sandler's wife, looks more like his teenage daughter who's visiting from community college. And her own acting isn't short of cheesy-smiley. She actually urges Jack to spend time with his squawking sister. One factor of this movie that actually got decent praise (in other words, was not scorned) was Al Pacino playing himself. Is he that desperate to appear in this trash? I pity him. I was hoping he would be rather amusing, in fact he was the reason I continued watching it. However, I only hoped, for he wasn't too impressive either. (Even placing the word "impressive" near this movie is a crime.) Another jaw-dropping cameo? Really, you are not going to believe this. I still have trouble seeing it fathomable. Johnny Depp. Boom. In a condensed sentence, grow up Adam Sandler. F

The Zohan - From one horrible piece of junk to an amusingly hilarious movie. Yes, I consider this one of Adam Sandler's best comedies. Movies, actually. What dramas has he dished out recently? Ahem. While the humor here may be perceived as immature and silly, in some way, it is genuinely hilarious. From this one movie, my dad and I actually pull stuff out and quote it on a daily basis. Not that it's rare, but it sure is saying something. Adam Sandler plays The Zohan, an Israeli agent who moves to America to accomplish his dream: cutting and styling hair. As I said, the humor is most likely simple, intended for the simple-minded people. (I used simple twice in that sentence.) Nevertheless, it is veryvery funny. The movie itself mocks Middle Eastern culture, such as hummus being used for everything by Israelis and disco as their daily activity. (Disco disco.) That may offend many viewers, which explains its rotten reviews. But that brings me to wonder, didn't My Big Fat Greek Wedding do the same thing? And yet, that got an Oscar nomination? Opa! I do not concur. Rob Schnieder, one of Sandler's many friends he places in his movies, shines in his only good role. Because, let's face it, he's a bad actor. Here, however, hilarious. John Turturro, playing Zohan's Arab nemesis The Phantom, is also veryvery funny, and, quite frankly, under-used in comedies. That's my opinion. Anyway, Zohan is literally so hilarious you may just get stomach cramps from all the carbon dioxide you release. From laughing so hard. B+

Just Go With It - Honestly, I did not enjoy this movie. There, I said it. The first time I watched it, with my mother, I didn't like it. (She sure got a kick out of it, though, laughing every minute I could barely think. I love my mom.) The second time I watched it, with my dad, I didn't like it any less. Or any more. Not in the phrase of "I didn't like it anymore", suggesting that I did like it...you comprehend. However, I do not mind watching it. Sometimes, I even have a feel to watch it again. Like now, after I watch Chuck and Larry, I will most likely want to watch Just Go With It. (Actually, I'm going to watch Hairspray instead.) I guess one could say this is another Sex and the City-substitute. One thing that may have turned me off was Jennifer Aniston. I must say, not her biggest fan. My mother adores her, which explains her extreme enthusiasm for this movie. Me, on the other hand, not at all. She;s just so pretentious and fake. All that "I want a baby" nonsense is what did it. Then it was just downhill from there. Plus, when she's portrayed as some hot babe, such as in here, when she walks in slow-motion and guys ogle at her, well it's a little short of pathetically irritating. Okay, she looks good for her age. We get it. Enough. Another annoying bit was Brooklyn Decker, otherwise known as that blonde with the huge breasts. (Tits is not a word. Shut up.) Once again, Mr. Sandler, I ask how old are you? C

Click - This may be his most serious movie, but even it had a fart joke in it. Don't mistake the flatulence for a bad movie, for, quite on the contrary, this was delightfully wonderful. Adam Sandler plays a middle-aged guy who cannot balance work and family. So, like everyone else, he goes to Bed Bath & Beyond for the answer. There, he is given a universal remote control that can bend his life the way he wants. As usual, there are many opportunities for Sandler to take advantage of such features as the pause button to generate some goofy amusement. By now, I think that goes without saying, that he will try to make everyone laugh in such a manner. Once again, as with Zohan, that humor is refreshingly entertaining and funny. With this movie, however, Adam Sandler, remarkably, creates something that touches audiences. (Not in a creepy way. Come on.) Every time I watch this movie, and that is quite often, I find myself in tears by the end. Click illustrates the value of life and its precious moments, especially those that may seem insignificant at the time but will definitely make you smile when you look back as you grow older. The movie really emphasizes how little time we have here on earth, in a way that sometimes scares me and makes me wish death was optional, and it honestly pushes me to cherish the time I have now with all my loved ones. Just what this needs, a little Hallmark magic. It's a movie like this that causes me believe Adam Sandler does have the potential of making a decent, mature film with a dash of heartwarming sentiment behind it. A-

There you have it. A half-and-half slice of what Adam Sandler is capable of. The two halves being genuine entertainment that is both sweet and funny...and utter garbage. I'm sure many of you are aware of most, if not all, of his movies. And, for those hard-core fans out there, it's about time for you to grow up as well. Shall we?

Here are some of his other movies that I couldn't get to.
The Wedding Singer  B+
Mr. Deeds  B+
Anger Management  B
Big Daddy  B-
Little Nicky  B-
50 First Dates  B-
Spanglish  B-
Bedtime Stories  C+
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry  D+
Grown-Ups  D