A Crucial Oscar Announcement

Seriously, to those who actually read this thing, please hold for the following announcement.

Alrighty then. As you are all aware, or should be aware by now, tomorrow night is the night I've been waiting for. The Academy Awards. No need for any fluffy introduction, right? Plus, I'm suffering from minor writer's block. Yes, I consider myself a writer, and, no, I am not bragging. (Didn't I warn you?) Anyway, before I sink into any embarrassing phrases a la Carrie Bradshaw, let me give it to you straight. I am very much anticipating hearing the winners come Oscar night, indubitably so, especially after reading this week's Entertainment Weekly and its interview with Billy Crystal. Oh, I am melting to watch the broadcast. (Melting? Well, I felt "oozing" sounded rather gross.) As ecstatic as I am, there's one slight obstacle: I will not actually watch it tomorrow night. Instead, I will wait until sometime into the week, hopefully Monday evening, which will allow me to truly enjoy it commercial-free and with my dad. (How is this even conceivable?) The reason I am informing you of my situation is so no one will contact me somehow asking how I felt when a certain someone won. That's reasonable, correct? Not that anyone would be itching to hear my opinion on things anyway. I can just imagine someone rushing to their computer, knocking loved ones down along the way, breathing heavily, to comment somewhere on here how a certain someone triumphed at the ceremony. Mental images, what will we do without them? Once again, I am pleading that nobody will spoil any surprises. Even those pricks out there who just would because I asked them not to. (But it's not as if this announcement will scare them into resisting.) So, don't ruin it for me, you got that?

Now, onto some Oscar-talk! Like I said, tomorrow is Oscar night, and there has been such a shortage of award posts this season. Damn "work" is who's to blame. So, allow me to present my honest predictions of who will take home the title of Best in their category, followed by my own ideal line-up.

Best Picture will go to...The Artist

A most deserving masterpiece is acknowledged, at last.

Best Actor will go to...Jean Dujardin for The Artist

Greatest performance, and he owes it all to his charming self.
Don't you just adore him?

Best Actress will go to...Viola Davis for The Help

It has to go to her this year, since she was clearly wonderful.
Actually, she was merely a decent part of a fantastic film.

Best Supporting Actor will go to...Christopher Plummer for Beginners

No question about it.
It's all in the scarf.

Best Supporting Actress will go to...Octavia Spencer for The Help

Definitely the stronger part of The Help, she was excellent.
And I just love this picture.

Best Director will go to... Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist

In a year with two legends, the award will most definitely go to a fresh mind.
Such innovative creativity, I am thrilled for him and his entire production.

There you have it, my honest predictions. Most of them are what I actually wish for, so I won't repeat myself with my own line-up. However, there are a few exceptions, plus a few odd balls I'd like to point out.

Best Actress should go to...Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady

Only she can transform herself into a worldwide-recognized British Prime Minister, and execute it flawlessly.
Meryl Streep is, and forever will be, the Iron Lady of film.

Best Supporting Actor should go to...Albert Brooks for Drive

I am aware that he is not nominated, though he damn well should be.
Not only was he the best part of an otherwise mediocre film, but he proved he can go well beyond his usual goofy bounds.
A true disappointment, for sure.

Best Supporting Actress should not be...Melissa McCarthy for Bridesmaids

I am no longer shy about my genuine dislike of Bridesmaids, particularly when she was announced as a candidate.
Really, she does not belong anywhere near the Oscars, and I don't mean that in a Pretty Woman-Rodeo Drive kind of way.
To make this caption short, she shit in a sink. That is, and forever will be, the ugly, unnecessary truth.

Best Picture should not be...War Horse

Seriously, who watched this?

Best Actor should not be...George Clooney for The Descendants

Absolutely nothing impressive, if not inadequate and awkward.
As if the movie weren't bad enough, his cheesy, expected "you-got-thats?" were a bore to sit through.
So that's why this movie wasted only forty minutes of my time.

There you go, my predictions and opinions on this year's line-up of Oscar nominees. And just in time for tomorrow night! Now, if you will excuse me, I have to live in a cave for a few days before I watch the event I've been anticipating all year. No Internet whatsoever, until my eyes feast greedily upon the fabulous event. Forgive me, I've been watching too much Sex and the City. Even now as I type,
I cannot help but wonder, when it comes to starving yourself of something you crave, is it okay to be socially anorexic?

One more day! (Except when it's really more than that, for me. No spoilers please.)