Tuesday, July 6, 2010


All right, I've watched Oscar so many times that I lost count, but it's somewhere around...a thousand. I absolutely adore this movie, I can watch again and again (obviously) and never get tired of it! The plot? Excellent and immensely hilarious. The acting? Wonderful and enjoyably funny. Everything down to make-up department, this movie is magnificent. Now, here we are again, with the Razzies' tremendous stupidity. Why give such an incredible film recognition for worst anything? Are they that insecure as to give Sylvester Stallone, an esteemed actor, and Marisa Tomei, an esteemed actress, Razzies for their acting? Is this some demented way of getting back at them for their success? Whatever it may be, I say fuck the Razzies, for this movie is genius.

Oscar begins with Angelo "Snaps" Provolone (played by Sylvester Stallone) arriving at his father's death bed. As a last request, his father makes Snaps promise to quit his gangster ways, and become an honest businessman (or banker, in this scenario). Months later, the day dawns upon Snaps where he may become a banker, for several bankers will be coming at noon. Everything must go perfectly, and will...until the doorbell rings.

Snaps's right-hand man, now the house's butler, Aldo, answers the door. Standing there is Snaps's accountant, Anthony Rossano, who is asking to see Snaps on a matter of life and death. After he awakens, from a startling wake-up call, he and Anthony have the discussion on the atrium (as Snaps recites from his word-a-day booklet). The cause of Anthony's arrival was to ask for a raise to make $1,400 a month, and back in the 30s it was pretty steep. Then, he says he wants the raise to support his girlfriend, who he will propose to for marriage. Snaps reluctantly agrees, telling Little Anthony to go propose...and that's when Anthony asks Snaps for his daughter's hand in matrimony. Of course, responding in his fatherly position, he tries and strangles Anthony, out of rage. That is when Anthony reassures that he has some money of his own, almost fifty grand...only he stole it from Snaps. What a lovely awakening!

After all that commotion, Snaps goes upstairs to confront his daughter, Lisa (played by Marisa Tomei), who is somewhat of a spoiled brat. His daughter confirms all his questions, about Anthony, only he didn't specifically specify his name. Either way, Lisa does have a boyfriend, who she hopes will propose to her, so she can get out of that house. Snaps denies her dreams, and rushes downstairs to meet up with the Finuccis, his tailors. Throughout the movie, he will be interrupted during his fitting, which is very funny. Meanwhile, the house's maid, Nora, suggests for Lisa to pretend she is pregnant, so she can be allowed to marry her boyfriend and get out of that house. The plan works well, and Snaps gives his consent for her to marry.

Ding Dong. At the door is a woman named Theresa, asking to see Mr. Provolone (who else?). She confesses to him that she was pretending to be his daughter, in order for Anthony to like her. So, she is the one Anthony wants to marry, not Lisa. But then who's the father of his actual daughter's baby? Either way, Snaps is thrilled his accountant isn't marrying Lisa. Next, Snaps's wife, Sofia, arrives, demanding him to rehire their old chauffeur, Oscar. Snaps says she's got more things to worry about, and tells her about Lisa's situation. The three are in Lisa's bedroom, and Lisa is fake-bawling to her mom, saying the whole problem is her father's fault because he "suffocated her" in this tiny room. Lisa, now, tells them who the (fake-)father is...Oscar. The chauffeur! The search for Oscar is now on! When they find out he left the country, Snaps decides to make Anthony marry his daughter (since he and Theresa had an argument), therefore returning the money he stole from him.

Ding Dong. At the door is Snaps's elocution teacher, Dr. Poole (played by Tim Curry). In order to become a banker, Snaps must pronounce words properly and overall enunciate his sentences. While Snaps tries to finish his fitting, Anthony devises a plan to get out of this arranged marriage. He convinces Lisa that Dr. Poole is in love with her, which she believes, therefore falling in love with him. She goes to tell him the news, and Snaps says it's all right, as long as she won't change her mind, for this is her third husband today! Snaps persuades Dr. Poole to be his daughter's beloved, and the doctor seems to be ecstatic about it after he's met Lisa.

Ding Dong. At the door is the potential new maid (since the other one quit to marry someone), and Snaps quickly discovers that this maid is his ex-girlfriend, who abruptly left him with no explanation, until now, of course. She admits to him that she was pregnant, with his baby, and she's a grown woman now, engaged to an accountant...who makes $1,400 a month. Anthony Rossano is his name, and Theresa is the new maid's daughter...who is also Snaps's daughter. So, she is his daughter!

All the mess that started this morning is all wrapped up, and now Snaps must meet with the bankers. The bankers' true idea was to simply allow Snaps in, taking his money, but not letting him experience being an actual banker. Suddenly, the police barge in, and assuming that Snaps hasn't gone straight yet, try to bust him, but instead end up embarrassed, since the money in that "little black bag" is full of underwear, not money (I'll explain). Luckily, the lieutenant crashes into the real gangsters, the O'Banya gang, and bust them.

Now, it's time for the weddings! Anthony and Theresa get married, Lisa and Dr. Poole get married. Suddenly, a man bursts in, interrupting the ceremony. The priest: Who are you? The man: I'm Oscar. He doesn't matter anymore, so out with him, expeditiously! All happy endings!

Okay, so who wouldn't love this movie? It has you action, it has you romance, and it most certainly has your uproarious comedy! Everything in this movie is ideal. Sylvester Stallone portrays the gangster Snaps Provolone terrifically, responding to all inconvenient events wonderfully, and believably! Marisa Tomei's performance was great, for she acted very well as the spoiled brat. All her lines about escaping the house were truly acceptable, as well as her floozy-ness. So, Razzies, piss off! They were fantastic!

Back to the little black bag. It all starts when Anthony brings Snaps his money, only in the form of jewels, for they were meant for Theresa. Then, Anthony admits he stole another fifty grand from him and gives it back to him, in the form of cash. Then, Nora, the maid who was leaving to go live with her fiance, has her suitcase, identical to the two other bags, full of her underwear. This bag gets switched around a lot, thanks to the maid. First, she mixes them up right before her departure. Then, she comes back to switch them. Then, a guy from her new residence comes by to switch them, since Snaps already called requesting for a switch. Then, Nora comes back and switches them, one last time.

Also, I wanted to provide some of the hilarious scenes, if you still aren't convinced this movie is outstanding. One, where Snaps disarms one of his men, Connie, who has a numerous supply of weapons on his person! Some are a medieval mace, poison, dynamite, a pipe, a slingshot, and more. Two, Snaps lies to Anthony, telling him that the Finuccis are gangsters, willing to kill Anthony if he doesn't return the money. The two tailors encounter frightened Anthony and they have a "two-way" conversation. The tailors rave about their thriving business. Anthony thinks they're talking about the business of hit men. Three, the entire movie!

I give this glorious masterpiece a 99/100. This movie is amazingly brilliant, and, like I said, I can watch it over and over again without growing exhausted. No flaws, whatsoever. An absolutely, positively wonderful work of cinema. Genius.

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