Sunday, May 23, 2010

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks, unfortunately, more than once. The movie was pure garbage, what with the chipmunks' dumb humor and Jason Lee's awful acting. From that mistake, I made another one by watching its sequel, or "squeakquel".
When IMDb announced that 20th Century Fox is going to release yet another "comedy" about the famous rodents, I practically shat myself from laughter. "What could this one be about?" I asked myself. Sure enough, it had absolutely zero-plot.

The chipmunks are back (Alvin even says it when the title appears) and they are still performing concerts. (I found this strange because I thought they stopped, since they fired Ian and went back to safe-Dave)
Anyway, after Dave is severely injured, thanks to his own stupidity, he sends his"boys" over to his aunt Jackie's. (played by Desperate Housewives's Mrs. McCluskey!) However, due to an accident, she cannot fulfill her duties as babysitter, so her grandson(?), Toby, watches them.

The horrid-ness of this movie began when Dave informs the chipmunks that he has enrolled them in high school. Yes, 12-inch tall rodents will be attending school with 5-foot teens. When they arrive, every girl is all over them; one of them even sighs romantically when Alvin kisses their finger. The boys, however, are not pleased. The tough guys actually get jealous of them! People jealous of animals, yes that's correct.
They get so infuriated that they begin an angsty chase around the school for them. The main jock, Ryan, gathers his posse and hunts those girl-stealing rats. This entire scene is incredibly pathetic because, well, why would jocks be satisfied with bullying chipmunks? It makes no sense. Pick on somebody your own size, really.

More insanity starts when the principal of the school admits that she is a huge fan of the chipmunks, she even has a tattoo of them to prove it. (Right on her forearm, I might add, plain in sight for fellow esteemed educators to glance at.)
Next, the female chipmunks are introduced, arriving through FedEx at Jet Records, Ian's former place of employment. But that doesn't stop him from going there everyday! He was so down-on-his-luck that he couldn't afford an actual house, so he has to live in their basement/cellar! Poor Ian Hawk, what a loser! Apparently he still has a grudge against the chipmunks, for clenches when he hears their voice. This voice was of the Chipettes, though.
He hits a "stroke of genius" when he trains the girls as he did the male versions.

The rest is a bunch of blah, blah, blah.
Chipmunks/ettes have a sing-off, Alvin becomes a cocky asshole, Theodore is referred to as Theo, Dave is in a full-body cast and shouts "ALVIN!" day and night, Ian is a pathetic animals-who-can-sing fanatic, Toby's a major doofus (Dax Shepard wannabe, but a retarded version)
Yada, yada, yada.

Overall, this flick was immensely boring, but I did enjoy watching it, for I tormented the movie all throughout. My rate of it is 31/100. My last word of it all: fucking waste of time.
(Sorry daddy, I had to say that. You understand.)

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